Fluffy

Fluffy

I had a hamster when I was about 11 years old who was truly the most remarkable little creature you could ever meet.  He was the Hoodini of the hamster world who had mastered the art of the great escape.  After breaking out of his little hamster prison a few nights in a row, my father and I took evasive action.  We thought the easiest way to thwart Fluffy’s escape attempts would be to weigh down the metal lid that he would squeeze through at night.  This only served to empower Fluffy.  He could not be confined to a life of running in place on his little hamster wheel day after day.   Fluffy would stand on top of his wheel and ram his head against the lid over and over until the rocks slid off the side of the cage.  He would then turn the plastic knobs that locked the lid and squeeze out the top.  After a couple nights of this and having to tear my room apart in an attempt to find where the little guy was hiding, my father decided to fortify the cage to make it escape proof.  He took fishing line and tied 6oz. fishing weights to one end of the line and suspended the weights from the breathing holes in the lid.  He tied about 3 weights across the width of the cage.  The idea with the weights, plus the rocks on top, was to make the lid too heavy for fluffy to squeeze through.  Well this really pissed Fluffy off.   Fluffy decided to jump from his wheel on to the weights and swing back and forth like a deranged monkey until the line snapped.   He would then climb back to the top of the wheel, bump off the rocks on the lid, turn the plastic locks, and squeeze out.

Tragically one fateful night Fluffy was crushed when he snapped one of the weights mid swing landing on him and breaking his little hamster back.   I remember feeling so guilty as a kid because all this little guy wanted to do was be free.  I had so much admiration for his quest to live his dream, to wander this great world of ours and accept all of the risks that come with this endeavor.  I worked so hard to love him and make his cage the most comfortable hamster pad you could dream of.   In the end Fluffy’s paid the ultimate price for freedom.  Nothing was going to hold him back, certainly not some fishing weights and a few rocks.

The moral of this story as Andy Dufresne so articulately said in Shawshank Redemption is, “get busy living or get busy dying.”   Fluffy had more balls than I think I ever will.  I am scared to death of the outside.  I have become institutionalized by my 20 years in Corporate America.   I am starting to grow accustomed to my little office with its sterile white walls, flimsy window blinds, laminated office furniture, and monotone blue carpet.   It is safe in here and I can continue to hide from my dreams and justify all of my reasons for staying.

Andy Dufresne knew what his dream was.   For Andy running a fishing charter out of Zihuatanejo, Mexico was his dream and he knew pursing that dream was a matter of life or death.  I am so institutionalized I no longer know what my Zihuatanejo is.   I used to think it was working in some type of creative field, maybe in advertising or the entertainment industry.   I went to school for psychology which I loved.  I volunteer as grief facilitator with children, which is my passion, but the thought of doing something along those lines scares the hell out of me.  I would have to leave my safe  little 10×10 corporate world where dreams go to die as I run in circles on my little hamster wheel.  Dreaming is dangerous in Corporate America.   It gets you into trouble.  Never let you office peers hear your dreams.  It scares them to death.  They want to complete their silly little tasks and never stop to think about what could have been.   They want to fill their spreadsheets out in peace and fool themselves into believing the stability argument Corporate America brings.  Red was scared to death of Andy’s crazy talk.  He wanted to stay put and not deal with the fear of facing the “what if” type of questions.   Hope can be a dangerous thing.

Red: [narrating] “There’s a harsh truth to face. No way I’m gonna make it on the outside. All I do anymore is think of ways to break my parole, so maybe they’d send me back. Terrible thing to live in fear.  Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t have to be afraid all the time.”

Where are you now fluffy?  Talk to me little buddy!